Music Review: Johnny Cash Remixed (2009)

The release of this album pissed me off so much I couldn't even stand it. I had to write a review to explain how truly disgusting this is to techno music critics like myself.

First of all, let's give this bold idea the benefit of the doubt. What exactly is it trying to accomplish? Well, according to Amazon.com's review, "The goal was to bring the sensibility and technology of 2009 to recordings universally accepted as timeless with the endorsement and cooperation of the custodians of Johnny Cash's legacy."

Woops.

In today's music industry, remixing is one of two things: an art form, or commercial milking. This album is an unequivocal example of the latter. Who exactly thought it would be a good idea to take songs like "I Walk The Line" and "Folsom Prison Blues" and turn them into techno/electronic/rap songs? Dumb producers who are hoping that fans of Johnny Cash will forget their good sense and respect for the Man in Black and buy this compilation, that's who.

But enough about that. Let's examine the music directly. First track is the main single "I Walk The Line" (QDT Remix featuring Snoop Dogg). Yes, you heard right, the D-O-double-G. It's a rap song structured around Johnny Cash's original chorus. Seriously?! Yep, seriously. Besides the fact that the song is SO ICONIC in American country music and can't really ever be topped as an original, so-called "remix" is an absolute piece of trash. It blows my mind (another Snoop reference) that tha Doggfather would EVER EVER EVER have the audacity to lend his rapping and filthy lyrics to a remake of Johnny Cash. The beat is idiotic, the rhymes are lame, and the production quality is worse than amatueur! You can almost hear the vinyl scratching as the play the Cash vocal sample next to the bleeping electronic hook. It's not a pretty sound to hear poor Johhny 's soulful lyrics mismatched with hip-hop beats, obnoxious violins, and synthesized "ooh-ooh"ing. Oh, and hear that sound? Really faint in the background. Yep, the moaning. That's Johnny rolling over in his grave.

But wait...there's MORE. The rest of the album either continually dabbles in awkward hip-hop with shitty production quality, or commits cardinal sin #2 by venturing into techno. Techno?! Indeed techno. The rest of the album tries to pull a Fatboy slim and make the album funky, underground, and upbeat to disastrous effects... Take the pitiful "Big River" (Count de Money Remix) for example. It's got the same grainy production quality and dumb instrumentation. The worst of these has got to be "Folsom Prison Blues". THERE IS NO BLUES in this remix! The heart and soul of the song has been erased by a repeating drumbeat and synth-piano hook. ARGH! No longer is Johnny's call of "Now I can't be free" relevant. No longer are we able to take the song and the message seriously.

The only somewhat decent remix is the "Get Rhythm" (Phillip Steir Remix), which like Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation" (JXL Remix) manages to correctly match the flavor of the original with some new funky electro. Here's the difference: they re-master his voice with synthesizers and eliminate the background static! GENIUS! Why didn't they do that in the first place?! I will never know, but it makes the album at least not abominable. Plus the original song was never THAT iconic or interesting in the first place, so you're allowed some leverage. But how in the world are you expected to remake "I Walk The Line" successfully? The answer is...you can't.

For me, albums like these are a symptom of a almost-fatal disease that is pervading today's music world. Producers decide that if they can't make new music, it's best to rehash old music. There's nothing wrong with that, per say, but the problem is that shoddy producership and the lust for quick profits ruins the project. I've seen too many albums like "Billie Holiday Remixed", "Donna Summer Remixed", "KC & The Sunshine Band Remixed" absolutely FAIL not because it was such a bad idea in the first place, but because the record label won't let good DJ's and remixers in on the project. And then there are some albums, like Johnny Cash Remixed, that should never have been made in the first place. It's an embarrassment to good dance/electronica music and an embarrasment to the memory of Johnny Cash.

MY RATING: Terrible. Truly terrible and miserably bad. But don't take my word for it. See it yourself at http://www.spinner.com/new-releases#/3 you can listen to it free for a limited time and let your ears bleed. Once you realize the health dangers of listening to it, follow the advice of Johnny Cash and "Leave That Junk Alone."