Love Letter - R. Kelly (2010)

Sigh...This album can be summed up with the phrase "R. Kelly will be R. Kelly," or maybe more aptly-titled, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks or how not to pee on little girls."

I had been hyping up Love Letter for about a month from the strength of the incredible lead single "When A Woman Loves," a classic soul throwback which could have easily been something Al Green or even Marvin Gaye could have done if they were still relevant/alive. Music critics, including myself, had seen the album as a way for R. Kelly to redeem himself from the auto-tuned steaming pile of "Untitled" that he released in 2009 and pave the way for him to revive his career with classic soul.

How wonderful that would have been if that was actually the case. Fact: if your best song on the album is a re-release of a song you wrote for Michael Jackson, we've got a serious problem. Yes, the ballad "You Are Not Alone" that R. Kelly wrote for MJ has finally been recorded by the original artist. And, let's face it, the song always fit R. Kelly's voice and style way better than MJ's. But that's pretty much the highlight of the album, minus the aforementioned "When A Woman Loves." The rest of the album, R. Kelly flirts with elements of classic soul, but suddenly relapses into his all-too-familiar rut of braggadocio and seduction songs with abysmal lyrics. Lows of the album include boring follow-up single "Love Letter" and the laughably dirty Taxi Cab. When will R. Kelly learn that we just want him to romance us and not weird us out? Perhaps the worst offense is the idiotic "Christmas Remix" of Love Letter which might have been remotely amusing, if not for Kelly's tired insistence on using the same instruments (that BLOODY flute!!) that he was obsessed with back on Chocolate Factory and pretending that "stepping" is a really cool new concept that he just invented. Please.

My Ranking: This album is deceptive. It's R. Kelly wanting you to believe he's turned soul, but it's really the same-old mediocre R. Kelly. He needs to take a dip back into the Chocolate Factory days to cook up some better-written songs.

Music Review: SWRMXS - HIM (2010)

HIM is a much-maligned band. It's kind of like the kid who you knew in high school who wore suspenders and just tried way too hard to be cool, but you still kind of liked him anyway for trying. HIM is a joke within the metal community, their self-declared genre of "Love Metal," being neither loving nor metal. Most consider it more of an overindulgent alternative rock band with a great lead singer (Ville Valo has chops that even rival Chris Cornell).

It's easy to hate on HIM with this album saying "They're a metal band who did a techno remix album? Better call Macy's cause I smell a sellout" But if you look at SWRMXS as a companion album to the incredibly mediocre Screamworks: Love In Theory And In Practice (2010), things aren't so cut and dry.

Screamworks was plauged by shitty songwriting, and maybe that's why the remix album sounds nothing like it. This isn't the band's first foray into the remix world, though their 2007 attempt Uneasy Listening was a barely-remixed cash cow attempt. SWRMXS certainly has the band swimming in unfamiliar waters. Even though Valo has a great voice, most of the remixes are chopped n' screwed or feature heavily distorted samples of the original songs. It actually sounds like someone went into a boardroom and said "Hey we want you to make electronic songs that sound nothing like HIM and then slap our name on it." Only Morgan Page and Tiesto provide anything that conventionally sounds like a dance remix one could play on the radio (both standout tracks).

The rest of the album is pretty clever though. Tracks like “In The Arms Of Rain” (SALEM Remix) made by the extremely talented Drag/Witchhouse group Salem use heavily distorted and choppy samples to create an ethereal atmosphere in an almost trip-hop song with no vocals. The other type of remix would be typified by the “In Venere Veritas” (Huoratron Remix), extremely heavy electro that wouldn't sound out of place in the more underground electronic radio stations in the depths of the internet. But it's all done with HIM samples and conforming to the general song structure of the original, though I can't imagine anyone who isn't intimately familiar with electronic music would notice.

The album has really got to piss off HIM fans. As a remix album, it fails to capture the spirit and flavor of the original band, but I also wouldn't say Valo is giving the finger to his heartgram/chain-wearing fans either. It stands very much on it's own as a smart piece of electronic musicianship, featuring very talented remixers and producers.

My RANKING: It doesn't work as a remix album for a rock band, but it's worth a listen for fans of sample-based electronic music and really heavy electro. Give it a shot and let me know what you think.

Music Review: Of the Blue Colour of the Sky - OK Go (2010)

OK Go is one of those bands where the word “kitch” is associated to them more frequently than “great” to Tony the Tiger. It’s hard to take a band seriously who was essentially discovered by a low-budget Youtube viral. Oh No sold well enough to garner at least some respect for their novelty, and fans and critics both awaited their next album to be the baptism of fire for their legacy in rock music.

The new album Of the Blue Colour of the Sky, is kind OK Go’s Rubber Soul in the sense that they’re determined to establish themselves as not just a rock band writing sweeter-than-bubblegum pop songs, but also willing to experiment and take risks with new stylistic changes. And really, these aren’t just cosmetic changes… it’s almost like OK Go is a totally different band. Almost like a combination of the failed attempts of Under The Influence Of Giants and the lyrics-strong wailings of the Scissor Sisters. Changing treadmills and poppy chords for keyboards, complex melodies, and funky bass lines, OK Go has done a swan dive into the deep end without seeming like a swan song.

For the most part, the new style is funky, catchy, maybe not as marketable as their previous incarnation, but certainly entertaining.

“WTF?” is a catchy enough lead single with some, “guess you can’t play THIS on the radio” lyrics to shock old fans into submission. I’m guessing they’ll follow up with the electro-influenced “White Knuckles” as a second single, which is definitely the strongest song on the record. It’s nice though that introspective acoustic songs like “Last Leaf” can prove that OK Go shouldn’t be taken lightly. The raucous “Back From Kathmandu” is another album highlight.

It’ll be interesting to see how this “alternative” shift will affect the band’s popularity. Heck, it’s no secret that our American band spelled “colours” hoping to capture the attention of the more artsy/(pretentious?) anglophiles in the audience. Fans have already been a little up in arms about the change towards more “experimental” electronic music, but it’s not exactly like OK Go is selling out. If anything, the record is more focused as a whole than most other contemporary pop-rock albums yet this year, and certainly better than the overhyped OneRepublic album of 2009.

MY RATING: Amusing, catchy, experimentally electronic. Better maybe even for garnering new fans that for satisfying their old, but does enough of both to be replayed on your ipod for at least the next few months

Music Review: The Head On The Door - The Cure (1985)

The Cure really started to come into it's own on this album. Robert Smith exchanged moody experimental goth-rock on "Pornography" and "The Top" (the latter of which was an abomination to rock music), for the more radio friendly, synth-drum sound that made The Cure one of the defining rock acts in the 80's and the fathers of modern Goth music.

Next to "Disintegration," "The Head on the Door" is easily their best work. Every song adds something new with old classic The Cure shtick, including catchy beats and riffs, creepy/introspective lyrics and Smith's haunting vocals. Some may say that The Cure turned "pop" from this record, but it's simply not true. The dark subject matter is still there, obviously, with songs like "The Blood" and "Baby Screams." And Smith's command of experimentation isn't completely lost either, as a lot of the guitar effects at the time were quite revolutionary, using synthesizers and some distortion to achieve a rockin' effect (note "Screw"'s driving guitar hook).

Each song is practically a masterpiece. Even the so-called "filler." They all flow excellently in the makeup of the album, but stand out well as singles. And the hits "In Between Days" and "Close To Me" exhibit wonderfully catchy 80's synthpop sensibilities that make the band accessible to non tight-pants-chains-wearing folk. It's classic.

MY RATING: Highly recommended as a pioneering goth-rock album and one of the best 80's rock albums ever. Extremely replayable and catchy.

Music Review: Love Is Dead - Kerli (2008)

Kerli made her initial impact early in 2007 in her native Estonia. Since being signed to Island Records, she's been proclaimed Goth child extraordinaire and the next Björk by the critics. What's the lowdown on her debut "Love is Dead," though?

Perhaps characteristically, the album is decent, but mostly constructed to show Kerli's potential to put out good singles. It's surprisingly pop-tailored with the catchy title song and "Walking On Air" being the first singles, both deliciously creepy and fun and radio-friendly. Perhaps the greatest weakness of Kerli's album is that it is too radio-friendly and the potential for Björk-like experimentation and avant-garde electro/pop is neutralized. This isn't really Kerli's niche though. She seems to do quite well in her chosen formula with other album tracks like "The Creationist" and "Butterfly Boy." However, the majority of the non-singles are trying too hard to tread a very odd line between gothy and poppy that just doesn't exactly work. Kerli's too kid-friendly to be adult and far too adult to be kid-friendly. It's an awkward, yet fascinating combination. On the plus side, she's got a very unique and and great voice that carries her style well and most of the songs are at least catchy.

MY RATING: If anything, "Love Is Dead" shows that Kerli has excellent potential for growth. Wait until the next album to see if she matures any or falls flat.

Music Review: Ghetto Classics - Jaheim (2005)

I've decided to let iTunes shuffle guide my latest few album reviews, focusing more on quantity than quality of reviews (although, hey I'll admit it, the quality will still be baller).

Jaheim's 2005 entry into the contemporary R&B world "Ghetto Classics" made him a star. Singles like "The Chosen One" and "Everytime I Think About Her" blended equal parts classic soul with modern hip-hop/thug sensibilities, making Jaheim equal parts Sam Cooke and R. Kelly. In short, the formula works brilliantly.

Jaheim's got a great voice, and sings about relevant contemporary R&B topics with clever lyrics (notably "Daddy Thing," "Like A DJ," "Fiend"). Song-wise, 90% of the album is wonderful smooth modern R&B mixed with a couple club-bangers just to keep it relevant. Jaheim even dabbles in a bit of nu-soul on "Come Over" and "Like A DJ". Jaheim hasn't made a perfect album, and there's still some icky filler like "125th" and "Masterpiece," and he's yet to strech his vocal ability to R. Kelly levels or master the club-cut like Ushser, but overall the album showcases Jaheim's break from undergound ghetto singer to a modern master of R&B.

MY RATING: Must-listen for all fans of classic and modern R&B. Has some problems, but definitely redeemed by his unique voice and great "ghetto/classic" style

Music Review: LOtUSFLOW3R (3-Disc) - Prince (2009)

His Purple Badness is back with 3 discs of Minneapolis sound. Literally. I've got the lowdown on all three and then a cumulative total of the entire LOtUSFLOW3R package.

1. Elixer. As you open up the album package, the first thing you see is Bria Valente's new album "Elixer" which is essentially an attractive woman singing smooth R&B songs written by Prince. Bria has been mega hyped up in the internet world for being the next Sade, but I take a more realistic viewpoint of her: the only thing she's got going for her is a good voice and the fact that she's associated with Prince. And we all know how sucessful Prince's previous proteges are (*cough cough* Tamar=Failure). That being said, the fact that these are Prince songs with a pretty woman singing them IS a major strength of the album. Bria's got a pretty voice with a pretty unremarkable range and tone. The songs are mediocre, with the exception of "Another Boy" (which might have some star potential). It's not traditional Prince slow jams either. It's trying to be hip with modern structure and lyrics and instrumentation and just falls a little flat because it's not edgy or clever enough. It's not that "Elixer" is bad. It's just overpowered by the other 2 disks. Plus, we never really thought that Bria would make it in modern R&B next to Beyonce and Ciara, so she might as well play the Sade thing for as long as she can before people get tired of it.

2. LOtUSFLOW3R. Here's the gold of the album. Easily Prince's best recording since Emancipation (some might argue since Sign 'O' The Times). Prince channels a little bit of Jimmy Hendrix and goes back to his roots and the one thing that made him famous in 1984: his godlike guitar skills. The entire album is powerful, catchy, and ROCKIN'. Musically, it's similar to Sign 'O' The Times, but with slightly more of an "organic" feel. Plenty of synthesizers and funk/rock, but no drum machines here. Prince does everything from social criticism to gorgeous love ballads on this album, all with quality singles with rockin' guitar solos and riffs and clever synth hooks, hearkening back to the Prince we knew and loved in the 80's. In the light of Prince's epic failure with "Planet Earth" and his attempt to break into mainstream minimalistic R&B with "3121," it's nice to see Prince is still making complex arrangements and making "back to basics" cool again. Bets songs are "Crimson and Clover," "Colonized Mind," and "Dreamer". Listen to these and if you don't get hooked, you ain't got no soul.

3. MPL Sound. Here's where Prince starts to get a little...Creative. Whereas LOtUSFLOW3R sounds great in a modern context by drawing elements of Prince's classic rock material for the modern world, MPL Sound ties to do the same with Prince's classic R&B/Funk material and has mixed results. The album really does sound like you went back in time and made a sequel to Prince's "1999". The drum machines and old synthesizer patters just seem...out of place. And there's not much "new" here to make it modern. I mean, it's great to hear a sort of a vintage "lost" Prince album, but is it really relevant? Obviously not. That's not Prince's point, of course, but it is something that will prevent MPL Sound for being as accessible to the mainstream R&B community and Top 40 singles radio. Speaking of singles, there are sure some funky ones here. "Dance 4 Me" and "Valentina" are both get-on-the-floor funky. But where's the sexy? To some that say Prince has lost his sexy, I rather agree. Even "Chocolate Box" is more love-ly than sexy. Overall, the album is interesting and funky and great for fans of Prince's old Minneapolis Sound, but I can't imagine it'll crack into the Billboard Charts like LOtUSFLOW3R will.

MY RATING: The sheer godlike brilliance of LOtUSFLOW3R redeems Bria Valente and MPL Sound can hold it's own as a good "classic" Prince album. It's one of Prince's best and easily the greatest material he's put out in the 21st century.

Music Review: Youthanasia - Megadeth (1994)

What does a thrash band do after the massive success of "Countdown to Extinction" in 1990? Record Youthanasia. The answer isn't quite that simple, of course. But Megadeth's new direction on this album is a definite gold moment in the history of metal music.

So what's different, exactly? Well, there's no shortage of thrash. The killer solo on "Train of Consequences" echoes "Skin o' My Teeth" and proves that Megadeth can still rock harder than you can brush your teeth. The face-melting power of "Symphony of Destruction" is somewhat lost here, but Youthanasia easily makes up for it with increasingly melodic songs, taking advantage of interesting bass techniques and Mustaine's awesome voice. Megadeth is less focused on blasting your ears with socio-political criticism and stories of cyborgs-gone-wrong on this album and more about delivering a more head-nodding then head-banging sound.

Does that spell sell out? Definitely not. It spells experimentation. The metal sensibility of Youthanasia is stronger than ever with songs like "Elysian Fields" and "The Killing Road". The genius of Youthanasia is how it travels the road paved by Metallica and does wonderful things. Listen to "Black Curtains" to catch some "The Black Album" influence, for example.

Now, time to talk about "A Tout le Monde," easily a candidate for best melodic metal song of all time. A Tout le Monde is Megadeth's answer to Metallica's "One". Both are supremely epic sounding, alternating between heavy/light guitars with genius and melodic skill. The guitar solo is excellent, and Mustaine delivers the most powerful singing that definitely surpasses most metal singers (even surpassing Hetfield's growl on One). And gotta love the lyrics. Mustaine is the only person I can think of to make French sound metal.

MY RATING: Classic metal album. Melodic and radio-friendly for newbies to the genre and has excellent singles. Stands out in the genre as one of the best.

Music Review: Johnny Cash Remixed (2009)

The release of this album pissed me off so much I couldn't even stand it. I had to write a review to explain how truly disgusting this is to techno music critics like myself.

First of all, let's give this bold idea the benefit of the doubt. What exactly is it trying to accomplish? Well, according to Amazon.com's review, "The goal was to bring the sensibility and technology of 2009 to recordings universally accepted as timeless with the endorsement and cooperation of the custodians of Johnny Cash's legacy."

Woops.

In today's music industry, remixing is one of two things: an art form, or commercial milking. This album is an unequivocal example of the latter. Who exactly thought it would be a good idea to take songs like "I Walk The Line" and "Folsom Prison Blues" and turn them into techno/electronic/rap songs? Dumb producers who are hoping that fans of Johnny Cash will forget their good sense and respect for the Man in Black and buy this compilation, that's who.

But enough about that. Let's examine the music directly. First track is the main single "I Walk The Line" (QDT Remix featuring Snoop Dogg). Yes, you heard right, the D-O-double-G. It's a rap song structured around Johnny Cash's original chorus. Seriously?! Yep, seriously. Besides the fact that the song is SO ICONIC in American country music and can't really ever be topped as an original, so-called "remix" is an absolute piece of trash. It blows my mind (another Snoop reference) that tha Doggfather would EVER EVER EVER have the audacity to lend his rapping and filthy lyrics to a remake of Johnny Cash. The beat is idiotic, the rhymes are lame, and the production quality is worse than amatueur! You can almost hear the vinyl scratching as the play the Cash vocal sample next to the bleeping electronic hook. It's not a pretty sound to hear poor Johhny 's soulful lyrics mismatched with hip-hop beats, obnoxious violins, and synthesized "ooh-ooh"ing. Oh, and hear that sound? Really faint in the background. Yep, the moaning. That's Johnny rolling over in his grave.

But wait...there's MORE. The rest of the album either continually dabbles in awkward hip-hop with shitty production quality, or commits cardinal sin #2 by venturing into techno. Techno?! Indeed techno. The rest of the album tries to pull a Fatboy slim and make the album funky, underground, and upbeat to disastrous effects... Take the pitiful "Big River" (Count de Money Remix) for example. It's got the same grainy production quality and dumb instrumentation. The worst of these has got to be "Folsom Prison Blues". THERE IS NO BLUES in this remix! The heart and soul of the song has been erased by a repeating drumbeat and synth-piano hook. ARGH! No longer is Johnny's call of "Now I can't be free" relevant. No longer are we able to take the song and the message seriously.

The only somewhat decent remix is the "Get Rhythm" (Phillip Steir Remix), which like Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation" (JXL Remix) manages to correctly match the flavor of the original with some new funky electro. Here's the difference: they re-master his voice with synthesizers and eliminate the background static! GENIUS! Why didn't they do that in the first place?! I will never know, but it makes the album at least not abominable. Plus the original song was never THAT iconic or interesting in the first place, so you're allowed some leverage. But how in the world are you expected to remake "I Walk The Line" successfully? The answer is...you can't.

For me, albums like these are a symptom of a almost-fatal disease that is pervading today's music world. Producers decide that if they can't make new music, it's best to rehash old music. There's nothing wrong with that, per say, but the problem is that shoddy producership and the lust for quick profits ruins the project. I've seen too many albums like "Billie Holiday Remixed", "Donna Summer Remixed", "KC & The Sunshine Band Remixed" absolutely FAIL not because it was such a bad idea in the first place, but because the record label won't let good DJ's and remixers in on the project. And then there are some albums, like Johnny Cash Remixed, that should never have been made in the first place. It's an embarrassment to good dance/electronica music and an embarrasment to the memory of Johnny Cash.

MY RATING: Terrible. Truly terrible and miserably bad. But don't take my word for it. See it yourself at http://www.spinner.com/new-releases#/3 you can listen to it free for a limited time and let your ears bleed. Once you realize the health dangers of listening to it, follow the advice of Johnny Cash and "Leave That Junk Alone."

Music Review: Thr33 Ringz - T-Pain (2008)

I'll always remember when I discovered T-Pain (and as my close friends know, I'm very proud of my discovery of T-Pain). I heard "I'm Sprung" on internet radio, a interesting little ditty about T-Pain's obnoxious woman-on-the-side. I instantly fell in love with the song and with T-Pain's sexy synthesized sanging. Using a vococorder in R&B? Back in 2004, that was unheard of! Synthesized singing was relegated to techno and late-90's Cher-esque pop. Certainly not R&B material. From his breakout in 2005 with "I'm N' Luv (Wit a Stripper)" he has singlehandedly changed the game and restructured the components of what makes a sucessful R&B single.

It's not hard to hear T-Pain's effects on the music world. Synthesized main vocals in pop/R&B is now commonplace. And, let's face it, T-Pain has been so damn successful, he's featured on just about every Top 40 song known to man. Since "Epiphany" in 2006, some might think that T-Pain has lost the ability to become original. Far from it. Thr33 Ringz could be his strongest album ever.

Thr33 Ringz has all the classic elements of his previous albums. Catchy club jams, and witty jams featuring guest performers like Ciara and all that. "Freeze" and "Can't Believe It" are fun and catchy, and so is "Blowin' Up" and "It Ain't Me". But in Thr33 Ringz, T-Pain gets experimental like never before. "Chopped N' Screwed" is hilariously chopped and screwed, leading to a perfect beat and clever arranging. And "Reality Show" exhibits what T-Pain does best. Take a melodramatic/raunchy subject and make it somewhat plausible as song material in a semi-comedic way. Like "Yo Stomach" and "I'm 'N Luv (Wit a Stripper)", Reality show made me laugh out loud for a few minutes and then think "You know, that's actually not a terrible idea...". I'm embarrassed to say I didn't think of it myself.

And I must quickly mention that his vocals have gotten even better. Since "Fly Away" on his first album "Rappa Ternt Sanga", there's been quite a lot of debate in the music industry over whether or not he can ACTUALLY sing or if he's covering his poor voice with electronics. On Thr33 Ringz, he sufficiently bashes all haters and proves that he can sing, with a synthesizer-free ballad about his family. I'm hearing some Donny Hathaway influences on here, plus some good ole Marvin Gaye. T-Pain has yet to show that he's got the vocal range, though he certainly has soul.

Thr33 Ringz is not without its misses, however. "Change" is VERY disappointing, especially given the caliber or it's guest performers. And DJ Khaled ruins everything (DJ Khaled's only skill set) on "Karaoke". It's nice to see that there's only about 4 songs that really suck from the 15 we are given (a higher ratio for a T-Pain album). Thematically, the other thing that Thr33 Ringz lacks is the serious sort of adult introspection that we heard during his early dayz on Rappa Ternt Sanga with songs like "Fly Away" and "Going Through a Lot". Even Epiphany had some serious content with "Suicide"'s exploration into drugs and AIDS. Songs like that made T-Pain unique in this word of pimpin', club-hoppin', and pimp-slappin' R&B. I'm sort of sad to see T-Pain's serious side disappear, though his fun side is equally as witty. But Thr33 Ringz is essentially a jam album, not a sob fest.
MY RATING: Hard to be dissapointed by the major singles and the clever b-sides, especially if you liked Rappa Ternt Sanga.