Humor: Watchmen Review (LIMITED TIME ONLY)

Hey guys. Youtube sucks lots of unnamed bodily parts, so for a limited time only, I'm posting my Watchmen movie review video here. Enjoy and COMMENT!

Awesome Living 101: Make yo own damn t-shirt!

So, like a normal, everyday person I was browsing the internet looking for cool t-shirts that represented my favorite bands/books. I was distressed to know that $19.99 plus shipping was not in a college student's budget for lame-ass Ayn Rand Objectivist paraphernalia of black t-shirts containing witty epithets. It was then that I had a momentary bout of indie. I know, a dangerous proposition, right? I discovered the cure for cancer, AND the cure to my t-shirt blues. I'll make mah OWN damn t-shirt.

I had heard about these things before, but never done it myself (sounds like a bizarre form of the kissing game, doesn't it?). Nevertheless, I decided that as awesome as it is to tote around one's obnoxious philosophical beliefs on a t-shirt, it's even MORE awesome to design it how YOU want it.

And now, dear reader, like Buddha, I impart my enlightenment onto you in the hopes that you will be inspired to do something equally as creative and indie. So begins the photo essay!

1. The Materials.
You'll need to buy the iron-on transfer sheets first and foremost. These babies are sheets of paper that you print your design on, and then iron into your t-shirt to make the design stick on to the shirt like Star Jones on Krispy Kreme. Additionally, you'll need the iron, a t-shirt (white cotton seems to work best), a paper cutter (or scissors), and a decent printer (I'd recommend an ink-jet).

2. The Design.
Obviously, it needs to be something cool. If not, why are you doing this in the first place? I chose Ayn Rand's inimitable Atlas Shrugged classic original dust jacket cover, sort of ala Great Gatsby, to be my newest t-shirt. Print out the deign, making sure that you keep the printer settings on "Best" and let it dry.

3. The Placing.
Each iron-on transfer differs on whether you put the image face-up or face-down, so make sure to read the directions. Place your t-shirt on a pillowcase to absorb the heat and place the image on your shirt and cover it with a piece of parchment paper. Heat up the iron on the cotton setting and you're ready for the transfer.

4. The Transfer.
This is the only tricky part. You need to go slow with the iron, but not too slow so it makes obnoxious lines (which happened to me once on a failed project). Do one pass along the design of 5 "strokes" of the iron (kinky...) putting only 20 seconds on each stroke. Then do 5 strokes with hard pressure and 20 seconds each. Make sure to flatten all corners, but don't let the iron sit on any one part too long.

5. The Big Reveal.
Wait a few minutes, then slowly peel off the parchment. Your design should look lovely. If it doesn't, then you'll have to try again, quite frankly. Pending its awesomeness, wait 24 hours before washing the shirt. Note that the design WILL "crinkle" to fit the shape of the shirt, but it doesn't really ruin the design, but instead changes the texture of the design. Very cool stuff. So far, my shirt has lasted quite well after at least 3 washes.

And there you have it. Awesome Living 101: Do it yo own damn self.

For further information, check out this video from Thread Banger.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnmIgbvPihU
For those of you who don't know about Threadbanger, they're a alternative fashion site that specializes in DIY projects. Definitely required reading for all creative-minded persons.

Shout Outs:
Ayn Rand for inspiring the project. (Sorry that I ripped your design off, but not really since I paid for all 1000 pages of your damn book).
Sam R. for continuing to surprise me with her creative projects (eg. her indie-drawer).

Ultra Records has sold out

Woe to the music world when a respected techno record company such as Ultra Records commits the greatest atrocity known to good music: selling out. Even if you're not familiar with Ultra Records, listen to my requiem for a label.

First, a brief history lesson: Ultra Records was founded in 1995 by former Virgin executives who were tired of the way mainstream techno was being handled and thought they could do it better. In short, they were right. Ultra Records became quite literally the biggest and most respected record label for all things techno, producing records by techno gods like Armin van Buuren, Kaskade, Tiesto, Benny Benassi, and even Paul Oakenfold. Ultra was responsible for the growth of techno in the late 90's as a "mainstream" genre and by 2005, in the age of Cascada, had managed to create a substantial audience for techno with their excellent marketing strategies and command of the market. PS. if you're in business school, by chance, this is the paradigm of capturing a niche market. See me for details.

Here's a sample that's relevant to my discussion. Ultra Records, much to the dismay of #2 rival Robbins Entertainment (responsible for the Cascada/D.H.T. advent of 2005) had ALWAYS been able to draw people in to techno with one excellent tool: Compilations. Ultra consistently put together the BEST compilations of techno singles yearly with such series like "Ultra Dance," (their most popular) "Ultra Trance," "Ultra 200_" (insert year here. My personal favorite series), and "Ultra presents Thrivemix". Samples of some of the best of these compilations are scattered throughout this review.

Now, the thing that was great about these compilations, especially Ultra Dance, was the ability to take killer pop remixes, put together with Billboard Dance Top 20 hits and market it as a hip, sexy way to listen to cool techno music. Note that almost ALL Ultra Records compilations feature nearly-nude models on the covers, some of their older records even including pull-out posters. It's brilliant, really. The customer gets the excellent music, and the satisfaction that they are somehow on the edge of things and being risque or avant-garde. Terrific stuff.

And this is where Ultra Records has failed. On their newest compilation, Ultra 10, Ultra Records has included pop music. Yes, pop music. Not pop remixes. Standard, straight-up pop/hip-hop. Not even remixed. Just pure pop. The techno element is still there, but it's marginalized, shoved towards the back of the album. Hoping that people will keep the CD on long enough to get to the actual dance music and maybe like it. Don't believe me? Well, let's look at the tracklisting, shall we? The first two songs: "Live Your Life" by T.I. and Rihanna and then "Bust It Baby Part 2" by Plies and Ne-Yo. Both Top 40 pop songs by mainstream pop artists, no remixing, no techno.

How much more sell out can you get?! This unprecedented atrocity that Ultra has committed has not gone unnoticed by techno fans, who are quickly abandoning the series. However, as to be expected, the series is now more popular than ever with the pop crowd.

I'm usually not opposed to letting the techno element slide a little bit in favor of drawing people into the genre, but this is TOO MUCH. Ultra compilations were always a little dicey for hardcore dance/electronica fans simply because the pop remix element was so strong. I personally liked it, listened to it, bought into it. Ultra Records now is betraying the very same thing that made them so respectable in the techno community: they NEVER pandered to popular pressure. Ultra always had great taste and went with it, being a LEADER in the industry, not a follower. And it's not like their old formula wasn't working. People respected Ultra. Perhaps with recent economic strings tightening, Ultra was forced to sell out to pay bills, but that's against the spirit of the industry. To be quite frank, what the FUCK is T.I. doing on a TECHNO music compilation?! It's disgusting. And the rest of the compilation is barely-remixed pop songs: no new or original techno tunes involved. It's a nightmare.

Ultra has a difficult choice to make now: continue on the road they're traveling, win more Top 40 pop fans, and lose ALL respect from the people who supported them in the first place, or admit their mistake, repent, say a few hail Mary's and hope that their next compilation album will be able to bridge both gaps.

I personally am quite disappointed. This kind of shit is NOT tolerated in the dance/electronica community. Note that I'm not blogging about this just to whine. I'm blogging about this in the hopes that other people will recognize that this change has occurred, note the consequences it has for all techno music fans, and stop buying Ultra until they change their attitude towards their original fans.

Otherwise, it's R.I.P. Ultra Records in my book.

Movie Review: Watchmen (2009)

Here it is, folks: my official Watchmen review. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to approach the review from two perspectives: a fan's perspective (my perspective) and I'll sit in the seat of a Watchmen neophyte to try and review this film. Note that I'm GOING TO SPOIL THE ENDING, so beware if you haven't seen the film yet.

First, from a fan's perspective, this movie does a GOOD (not great, but good) job of capturing the major themes and feel of the novel.

Watchmen the movie looks flashy enough, with gritty "superhero" action (a little too stylized for my tastes, but hey this IS Zack Snyder of "300" right?) and essentially a scene-by-scene and chapter-by-chapter adaptation of the novel that is remarkably faithful to the storyline. The subplots are of course eliminated for time's sake, but the fact that the movie consciously recognizes the subplots' existences wins big points from me (eg. the inclusion of the psychologist towards the end of the film). The iconic scenes look AMAZING, like Dr. Manhattan's watch-inspired palace on Mars. I can easily see this film being nominated for Art Direction at the next Academy Awards because, quite simply, the film is gorgeous.

The acting (ironically enough) is another MAJOR strength. All of the characters, with the exception of Ozymandias, are extremely convincing in their roles, especially Jackie Earl Haley as Rorschach. Dialogue is 85% lifted directly from the novel, taking advantage of Allen Moore's brilliant writing style. All the actors use it wonderfully and make the characters come alive on screen. Ozymandias is a little tougher, only because the character has changed so much that it's a little off-putting for a fan to convincingly accept Matthew Goode's portrayal.

As to the cinematography, it is decent, but the "300" visual style gets clunky in awkward places when slow-motion just seems to take too long and can be completely unnecessary. The other major problem is that Zack Synder's antics are no longer "revolutionary" (if they ever were) and now just seem a little overdrawn in the film.

I'll talk only briefly about the Music and score, both of which are sub-par simply because it is too explicit in the film instead of going for subtlety. "All Along the Watchtower" being the most notorious example. Not that it's bad, it just isn't great. The "Desolation Row" cover during the credits, however, is fantastic and fits the mood perfectly.

Now, onto the big "love-or-hate" controversy of the film: the TREMENDOUS amounts of nudity, sex, and violence. Yes, Watchmen the novel is an extremely sexy and violent graphic novel, but the movie takes it to horrifying new levels (eg. when Rorschach confronts the child killer). The problem with this is that it takes Watchmen's axioms of subtlety and deconstructing the superhero archetype and turns it, in the words of my brother, into a "freakshow". I agree that, for a fan, this is one of the most strange and unfortunate changes about the movie.

The other is the ending. I personally can reconcile the new ending due to the fact that a giant H.P. Lovecraftian alienthing can be hard to explain and construct in a 2-hour movie. However, the new ending has the major disadvantage is that it changes the character of Dr. Manhattan into a scapegoat, something that was NEVER in the novel and that Allen Moore would NOT have ever approved of. The other problem about the movie ending is that the CHOICE of whether or not to agree with Oxymandius's actions is taken from the audience. Now, the ending is presented as a lesser-of-two-evils situation in which Nite Owl explicitly states to Ozymandias that it is wrong, although they're forced to go along with it....NOT AT ALL analogous to the Watchmen novel. The movie BEGS to have the "I did the right thing didn't I?" scene in it, instead of Laurie paraphrasing the scene.

To wrap it up from a fan's perspective, the greatest aspect of the Watchmen film is the fact that it DOESN'T suck. Adapting Watchmen into movie format is a bit like adapting Shakespeare for the screen: you know you won't be able to do it better than the original, so you're going to have to make it different, or comparably true to the original. Watchmen opts for the latter and does so effectively, allowing it to appease most non-hardcore fans with a action-packed, visually spectacular rendition of the story.

For a non-fan or a Watchmen neophyte, I imagine the film would be extremely disappointing. It moves quickly, assuming you know the basic storyline, and its complex interworking of flashbacks is otherwise incomprehensible. Synder does attempt to draw in some of the non-superhero crowd by including some well choreographed action sequences (complete with bone-shattering action). It's icing on the cake for Watchmen fans, and a B-grade "Kung-Fu Panda" imitation for others. In short, if you know nothing about Watchmen the novel, I'd avoid the movie like the plague.

MY RATING: Good for fans, confusing for non-fans. Suffers from some notable plot changes, but en masse, captures the spirit and themes of the novel. Enjoyable and replayable.

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Shoutouts: Ross and Christina for taking me to Watchmen!

- DJ Dustbunny